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Kidspeak
By Amy E. Lemen
Your niece has always been the apple of your eye, and you’ve always thought it’d be adorable to have her in your wedding. Well, you’ve met the man of your dreams and are planning the nuptials – including having your niece and other children as part of the wedding.
That fact is, inviting children – especially those who are special to you or your groom – to be a part of your celebration can make it even more special. And allowing friends and family to bring kids to a wedding eases the burden of finding a sitter for your special day.
But the last things you need to worry about are the inevitable fidgety toddlers or cake-throwing kindergartners. Here are some tips to involve kids in your celebration without stressing out.
Decide: Kids or No Kids
If you’re planning an elegant ceremony with a small number of guests that includes a sit-down dinner and your dad’s case of vintage Chateau Margaux, you probably won’t want kids present.
By the same token, if your celebration is a more casual affair with barbeque and hayrides, the more kids, the merrier. It all depends on the kind of celebrating you and your mate are envisioning – and the allowances you’re willing to make for close friends and family.
“We did not specifically invite any kids to our wedding, but my husband’s families came from Texas to California with their kids, so they brought them to the wedding,” says Julie Kennedy, an Austinite who has been married 16 years. “I understood why, and it was fine.”
Wedding consultant Michelle Hope of Michelle Hope Weddings says you need to talk about whether or not you want kids in the wedding to begin with – then take it from there.
“That’s the first question,” she says. “An invitation that doesn’t say ‘and children’ generally means no kids.”
Austin wedding consultant Kay Watson says that since each guest receives an explicit invitation to a wedding, it should be clear to guests that they don’t bring kids along unless the children’s names are mentioned on the invitations.
“I have even suggested to brides who have heard through the grapevine that their friends or family are planning to bring small children that the bridal family request no children,” she says. “In this situation, it’s best for a family member or close friend to contact the person and carefully let them know this is an adult-only affair.”
They’re In the Wedding – Now What?
Everyone has fond memories of an adorable, cherubic child walking down an aisle wearing a gorgeous white dress, strewing rose petals and smiling just like a little angel. And it could happen to you, too – if you plan well.
Experts advise that if you want to include kids in the wedding ceremony, it’s usually best to have children that are aged four and above. Of course, if your niece or nephew is a mature three-year-old with a personality to match, by all means include the little guy or girl in your celebration. Each child is different, so just use your best judgment.
The most important thing to remember is to communicate clearly with your flower girl, ring bearer, bell ringer, Bible carrier and each child’s parent about the task you’ve assigned to each.
Explain what they’ll wear and what they need to do. As far as clothes, forget the taffeta bubble dress with a million layers and the miniature tuxedo with slippery shoes. These kids need to be comfortable, and there are tons of options at high-end children’s stores that are both beautiful and wearable well after the wedding.
Make sure the child’s parents are seated prominently up front – just in case. You don’t want them to be scared for the big moment, and having Mom and Dad close by will help immensely in the event of a mini-meltdown.
Plan to Make Some Accommodations
For those who don’t mind the little rugrats, consider some kid-friendly allowances like a kids’ food table that has fun stuff like chicken nuggets, fruit-on-a-kabob, or make-your-own sundaes.
You don’t want your wedding to turn into a circus, of course, but if it’s a really casual affair and kids are an important part of the mix (perhaps you and your beloved have children from previous marriages), consider some fun entertainment like face painting or someone who makes balloon animals.
“Having an area at the reception where there is a separate meal served, two sitters to play games and show videos and even having sleeping bags are great idea,” says Watson. “You could also provide a children’s table with puzzles, coloring books and assorted activities. This is also a wonderful option for the rehearsal dinner, for the children in the wedding.”
You might also consider providing childcare, especially if you know that some guests might not have another option and you really want them to help you celebrate your day.
Develop A Sense of Humor
Like life, kids are unpredictable – and that can be a lot of fun, so have a sense of humor about things. All the practice and preparation in the world doesn’t mean your little darlings will perform their role to perfection. At the very least, their cute little blunders will make for great blooper moments in your wedding video.
“We had our reception at a friend’s beautiful home in California that had orange trees as part of the décor,” recalls Kennedy. “The kids stripped the trees of the oranges. It was funny – to us, anyway!”
“Kids bring innocence, charm and laughter to a wedding – sometimes this is welcome and good, but at times, it might not be what the bride and groom had envisioned,” says Watson. “Keep in mind that they are children and the best to expect is the unexpected.”
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